Blog Entries tagged 'Domestic Fiction'

Nobody Knows How To Make Good Music Anymore. Now Get Off My Lawn.

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 19:00:00 +0100

I have a feeling this post may go hand-in-hand with an earlier one wherein I claimed to be aging at a rate not unlike Dr. Marcus Brody in Temple of Doom, when he picks a fake Holy Grail and fulfills the ancient prophecy of the wise knight by hopping on the Express Lanes Towards Death (suffering dreadful agony and split ends along the way). Split ends notwithstanding, this scenario is naturally still in the works as Lord knows none of us are getting any younger, especially me. I&# [...]

In The Battle Of The Sexes, Come Armed With Barbies And Pirate Swords

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:00:00 +0100

I started wondering the other day about that whole "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" dichotomy. You'd think this wouldn't exactly be a sudden flash of insight, what with our daily exposure to standup one-liners about [...]

Bribery And Other Forms Of Conscientious Discipline

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 19:00:00 +0100

I would like to know, O dear readers, if there is anyone among us who can truthfully claim a childhood free of bribery, intended either to ward off some outlandish behavior or be the proverbial "carrot" on the arduous stick of [...]

I Wonder If Dorian Gray Got His Frame At Target (Because I Could SO Use One Right Now)

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 19:00:00 +0100

I have this theory that for each child you have, your body (and that of your mate) will age about ten years in the span of just one. Since I suck at equations (leave it to the person that majored in their own native language), I will assume that with my oldest being nearl [...]

Baybee, you can DRIVE my CAH.........

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 19:00:00 +0100

TODAY'S TOPIC IS: Terrible Drivers And Why They Follow Me Every Time I Move. I cannot tell you how many times I have said this throughout my life, and yet every time I relocate there seems to be a larger, more aggressive and increasingly vis [...]

That'll Take You Down A Peg Or Two, By Golly

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:00:00 +0100

Earlier today, in an attempt to be one of those go-getter mamas, the boys and I made the (short) hike to the park for some sun and interaction with the rest of humanity. Those of you who stay at home with your kids, you know exactly what I mean. Picture those last ten minutes of The Shining: Jack Nichol [...]

Make Like A Tree And Get The *#@^ Out...

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Thu, 22 May 2008 19:00:00 +0100

Some random questions I've been pondering lately as I attempt to pack up our many mounds of junk for an impending move:

Where did all of this stuff come from?

Seriously.

We have so much crap.

Why the hell would we have ever moved across state lines with junk mail from 2004, old Halloween candy and a fold-out poster of Arnold Schwarzenegger from Muscle & Fitness Magazine especially now that my husband and I have neither muscles or a commitment to fitness? (see [...]

Awkwardly Mobile

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Sun, 04 May 2008 19:00:00 +0100

Do all of you remember when your first baby started walking? Well, maybe not walking per se, more like stumbling madly around like Gary Busey on the tail end of a long bender, barking with glee and pawing at people. Sound familiar? Yeah, I had forgott [...]

Dear God, My Eyes...Put Away The Mom Jeans

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:00:00 +0100

The other day I received a catalog from a very recognizable brand of clothing/outdoor equipment/wealthy post-hippie adornments, and after flipping through with mild interest I came upon this atrocious display of, ahem, "fashion". Mind you, there is no child pictured here but you can bet your nuggets that this lady quali [...]

Two Weeks' Notice

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:00:00 +0100

My liver has officially put in for disability benefits and is calling it quits. Most likely, this is not because it's put in a lot of work lately, with what it's required to do filtering out the occasional glass of wine or bag of Milanos. (Did I say bag? I meant, um, "serving size"). I'm pretty sure, though [...]

Blech Appetit

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 19:00:00 +0100

I realized the other day that perhaps my flair in the kitchen has taken a nosedive, and I don't doubt that it's the inevitable result of the "customers" that take up residence at the table. My house is basically a humorous short-order diner that serves wee little patrons with finicky appetites and anger man [...]

They Drive Me To Drink....Coffee

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:00:00 +0100

So right now I am sitting at the computer typing away. It is 8:45 A.M. I have been up for three hours, plus or minus those several baby awakenings last night for A) nightmares, B) new teeth breaking through, C) bink recovery squad, D) hunger, or E) husband snoring, mouth agape a la Elephant Ma [...]

Muscle Cars Make Great Birth Control

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 19:00:00 +0100

It occurred to me the other day that despite my wonderful marriage to a responsible, committed husband (who has been pre-beaten and molded by a military academy, for my convenience), I might be in imminent danger of losing [...]

Six Reasons To Drink Wine And Feel Good About It!

domesticfiction@gmail.com — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 19:00:00 +0100

If you are anything like me, you have been justifying your weekly wine consumption by touting some fuzzy facts about antioxidants and heart health, or the ever-popular "at least it's not a vodka tonic." Well, my friend, your energies have not been wasted (although you may have to adjust your version of " [...]